The HOTTEST are also up against a team that has loads of fans... a Fan Factor of 9 to their 7. Duh! they're mean as hell and kickin' ass in BIKINIS! OF COURSE, they've got a good fan base! HOTTEST was awarded a 110 Inducement.. and, after getting some sage advice from a very wise blood bowler (you know who you are :) they elected to go with an apoth instead of, say, a bribe or an extra re roll.
DOUBLE-E won the toss and elected to receive, which was a little unfortunate, since that would mean no one would be lining up directly on the Treeman.
The weather was nice. DOUBLE-E lined up a little strong on their left. As expected no one was in striking distance of the Mighty Splinter. As the ball was set up to kick a burst of Cheering Fans on DOUBLE-E's side of the pitch raised the level of the bikini bombers to an absolute fevered pitch, earning them an extra RR... so 5 re rolls for them a paltry 3 for the HOTTEST. A good deep kick by Torwin the kicking specialist that went deep and away from the strong side setup.
 |
| not a bad start... gonna make that ag5 lino work for the pickup. |
TURN1 DOUBLE-E
Coach slam sent his backfield back to protect the ball... Charged my WarDancer Ohtear, with his passer, Plenty O'Tool.. who had tackle.. I fuggin HATE tackle. Fortunately, Ohtear was able to just be pushed. Slam used is +1ST lino, Felicity Shagwell, to knock over one of Jackal's los of scrimmage linos and the other was pushed back behind the Mighty Splinter... logically, neither DOUBLE-E player followed up their attack which would put them within reach of Treeman. Jackal makes *mental* a note to not let the WarDancers be singled out so easily by marauding tacklers, but this game started at midnight his time and he's been on the sauce so he really should have written that shit down. So, no real damage done. But the 'Zons have plenty of ball protection.
TURN 1 HOTTEST
Jackal.. which is Wood Elf for Coach as dumb as a jackass, was up to his usual, LET'S BURN SOME FREAKIN' RE ROLLS, JUST FOR KICKS, MENTALITY. After a failed blitz of an Amazon catcher, by the Mighty Blower WarDancer, Vierwrath that pushed the Catcher into the TZ of the Treeman it was first blood time... The Treeman had an assist from the pushed lino and he came down on the fragile catcher woman with all three dice! He wasn't able to use juggernaut since the WD had already rung that one up and the results were a push, bothdown, and defender stumble. Wanting so badly to start off better than that, Jackal orders a RR .. on of his precious 3. More bad news, the Treeman decides to "use" his loner skill and poof the RR is wasted. Stupid stupid Jackal.
 |
| notice the "uses Loner" |
Not to be intimidated, the other WarDancer Ohtear, stuns the dreaded thrower with tackle, putting some wind back in the sails of the HOTTEST. Another 'Zon is knocked over but not stunned and a final block attempt ends with a push wish is fended off.
 |
| Knocked down, but not stunned |
 |
| Pushed back but fended off |
I blew this pic up. This is after Slam has stood up the knocked over player.. but look at the one next to the far left sideline.. is she flipping off a fan of the HOTTEST or screaming "smell my finger(s)"???
TURN 2 DOUBLE-E
Pussy Galore, their "Mighty Blow" blitzer targets the happless kicker, Torwin.
One way ticked to fractured skull city, Torwin. Not the kind of being "Mightily Blown" he was hoping for.
A hush fell of the HOTTEST crowd as Jackal labored (hey, any thinking a labor for Coach Jackal) over how to treat his downed kicker. Sure, he had purchased an additional apothecary for this game, but it was only turn two...lots more BLOOD bowl to play... still, Coach had a soft spot in his heart (head too) for Torwin and his kicking skill would be sorely missed and a cracked noggin' ain't no good for him or the team, so he ordered in the doc. Jackal outta keep that backup doc's card in case their team "surgeon" fails his fixin'.. 'cause this hired hand doc cured Torwin right up with some super glue and some Alabama Chrome (for you yankees and folks not from the USA... Alabaman chrome is probably known to you as "duct tape.") Not much more to report.. a pushed HOTTEST's lino and the ball carrier advancing slowly down the right side.. with an almost fully formed cage escort.
TURN 2 HOTTEST
Jackal starts off turn two ordering the wrath of Vierwrath the MB WD to attack their catcher again. But again it's a freakin' ticklefest, pussy pillow fight.. and Vierwrath gets to chose from push or ...uh... push. Apparently, V. didn't notice the puddle of blood she stepped in that once belonged in Torwin's now duct-taped head. Fortunately for V. Coach Jackal didn't have much time to be angry because V. pushed that catcher "into the shade, as Jackal calls it." Mightly Splinter was much more enraged by the Torwin's cracked noggin' and took his rage out on the catcher. With his huge wooden hand clasped together he drove the catcher straight down into the ground like a tent stake, Badly Hurting her.
Unfortunately, that was all the damage the HOTTEST could must, other than a successful wrestling move by Sorntor. But at least the numbers were back to even with both teams having ten on the pitch. And their catcher wasn't coming back.
TURN 3 DOUBLE-E
Slam orders Pussy Galore to attack Vierwrath.. so it's Mighty Blow vs Mighty Blow... fortunately, V. is able to side step out of the way, and actually closer to the ball carrier, nowhere near her, but closer. Another knock down/stun I think by the 'zons and Slam hits full throttle on is advance now... crossing back left to mid field... if there's an obvious way Jackal can get to the ball carrier here he sure doesn't see it.
Actually, looking back, there was a way to get a one dice block on the ball carrier, but Jackal decided it wasn't time to try the leapin' lizard and just decided to keep banging away at all these Lady Gagas. Jackal starts by sending NoneYa deep to bolster the threatened flank and to help add an assist on that damn thrower/tackler. V. offered an impotent push to start out. Ginmice wrestles the Tackler/Thrower to the ground. Foolishly failing an excellent chance to crowd surf the bitch. Another mental error charged to Coach Jackal. Jackal spots Dixie Normous, another tackler and decides to sick his other WarDancer, Ohtear, on her, instead of dodging her out for a cross field pursuit. These Zons are the most fleet of foot and he's still trying to "thin their herd." Sadly, Lil' O only trades blocks with her. But here's where you better hold on to your hat, folks... Coach Jackal takes another swig of his liquor drink and orders the unthinkable.
HEY, SPLINTER.. YOU SOON TO BE A CANOE AND TOOTHPICK FACTORY.... SPLINTER!!!!
BLITZ THAT BITCH, PUSSY GALORE... CHARGE YOU SACK OF POTENTIAL PENCILS!!1
The astonished Treeman obeys.. he hates it when Jackal starts reasoning with management that Splinter would be more useful as a canoe or maybe some porch furniture and a picnic table... He makes overcomes Take Root, and make both GFI and then cannot find purchase against the blodge blitzer... but uses his Juggernaut to push her back and follow, ignoring her fend.
TURN 4 DOUBLE-E
This decision to follow up by the Treeman may have been the turning point in the game.... The exhausted and crippled Treeman finds himself surrounded by three guarding 'Zons and another with ST4... Those aren't good numbers... TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Didn't even have to use a RR. That wooden ship was sunk.. fortunately his Bark Armor held out.
A blitz by Fook Yu Too against the HOTTEST's WarDancer only resulted in a push, and after Coach Slam decided to use a RR, it was still just a trade of Block. Whew. Here is another crucial play by Slams 'Zons.... with no RR left for this turn, Slam orders his catcher to perform a one dice block pushing back a HOTTEST lino and enabling a one dice block (and with no RR) on the HOTTEST's other WarDancer...but a one dice block with a Tackler.. and it was all he needed... STUNNING the dancer to the pitch. A Treeman on his back and a WarDancer stunned. One hell of a turn for Coach Slam and the DOUBLE-E's!!!
TURN 4 HOTTEST
Well, the HOTTEST's turn began with Mighty "Soon to be firewood" Splinter refusing to stand up. While it was true that Coach Jackal still had two RR, it didn't seem wise to waste one on 50/50 roll especially with so many more dangerous rolls and so much time left, so Splinter stayed on his back. Looking at their right flank the Wood Elf line needed to hold if they were gonna keep these ladies from putting it in the box... heh heh heh.
Denhandar pushed back a "Zon.. Vierwrath dodged out and blitzed pushing another 'Zon back and a third one, the annoying thrower Plenty O' Tool, was stunned to the pitch.. the Wood Elf right flank was pretty well defended. The 'Zons would have to go the long way.
And with two late dodges by Nimgros and DoorKnocker.. middle of the pitch was looking pretty fuzzy too.
TURN 5 DOUBLE-E
Coach Slam orders his women to cut back upfield to the opposite side... Pussy Galore, the horny thorn in the HOTTEST's backside, follows up some opening 'Zons who provide assists and Knocks Out poor, unskilled DoorKnocker... OOF!
Then it really all about just setting up the rest of the 'Zon around the ballcarrier.
TURN 5 HOTTEST
Look at this shot of a desperate WarDancer Vierwrath.. sprinting across field to hold down the left flank, hopefully, with her sidestep.. If she can stay off her back...
So, the HOTTEST set up... well, almost all the HOTTEST.. The *&^!! Treeman has decided to stay prone... I guess he's always wanted to be made into a bunch of those russian dolls that fit inside one another.. that is, what doesn't get made into a BONFIRE.... Nimgross gets a push to open a desperate hole for what will still be a suicide mission.
So, Airtraffic control to Ohtear Mark III, you are cleared for take off.
With all the guard on DOUBLE ENTENDRE all the pushing the HOTTEST could do, still left Ohtear with a two dice against attempt, but she is a stripper... uhmm, has the "strip ball" skill, so Jackal is launching her.
TURN 6 DOUBLE-E
The 'Zons play Woodie pinball with Ohtear, from Holly Goodhead pushing her to Felicity Shagwell, and to another dreaded tackler: Dixie Normous who takes the ball stripper, stunned and exhausted to the pitch. OOF!
TURN 6 HOTTEST
The Treeman must have resigned himself to his fate of being a swing set and children's fort because he once again refused to get off his fat wooden arse. This refusal angered Jackal so much that there was much loud cursing and screaming.. it was about 1a.m at this point and Coach Jackal got an angry text from Mrs. Jackal threatening to not touch his stuff "in a good way" for a week...and if he continued to make such a racket, she would be touching his stuff in a "bad way." Jackal may be dumb and, in this case, a bit drunk, but he got THAT message loud and clear.
Jackal surveyed the pitch... he had six elves standing, only three not in tackle zones, a stunned wardancer and kickoff return specialist ... oh yea.. AND a lazy tree. NOT a lot of options. In a bit of inexplicable coaching thoughs, Jackal orders his Vierwrath WarDancer across the field to blitz the 'Zon thrower/tackler Plenty O' Tool... V. fails to POW the blodger, getting a push or attacker down, so Jackal orders a RR.. the LAST of the HOTTEST's re-rolls for the half! Still has to go with push.... wasted re-roll. Pitiful coaching.. desperation coaching. Dehandar pushing back Fook Mi.. and Sorntor pushes back Honey Rider, but all to no avail. In a final move, Nimgross is dodged back deep into the HOTTEST's left flank to try to hold the deep threat, but avoid being blitzed.
TURN 7 DOUBLE-E
Things were starting to get hot now. Slam had maintained complete control the first half, even the diving in WarDancer who stripped the ball had been promptly dispatch and the ball picked up with no worries, but now there was only this and one more turn left to score..... Hot indeed. Pussy Galore starts it out with a Block attempt, only gaining a pushback versus Sorntor... but puts herself with dodge between Sorntor and to other HOTTEST players. Then Coach Slam sends Fook Yu Too, with block and doge, to mark the Deep Safety, Nimgross. The dreaded and invulerable Plenty O' Tool blitzes Sorntor.. getting pushed or attacker down... Slam still has a boat load of RR so he goes for it again.. depending on O' Tool's tackle, but again it's pushed or attacker down, and Sorntor stays on his feet! More setting up, but the DOUBLE-E's were gonna make this an 8th turn score... the pressure was all on the HOTTEST now!!
TURN 7 HOTTEST
Coach Jackal bit his fist in rage, but did not scream out as his fucking Treeman once again decide to shit the bed and remain prone....bad things will be happening to that bastard very soon. Speaking of shitting the bed, Nimgross with an assist against Fook Yu Too, was only able to manage an attacker down or both down... and since ol' Numbskull Nimmy didn't have Block, and Jackal had wasted their last RR, the push that was needed for the rest of Jackal's plan was not there. And the HOTTEST's turn was kaput. Smooth sailing for Slam's jaunt into the endzone... a heart breaker for the HOTTEST.
TURN 8 DOUBLE-E
Slam gives Plenty O'Tool one more chance against the HOTTEST and she lines up Ginmice... and she lands with double skulls!! No problem, DOUBLE-E's got a RR.. the "new dice" are better...And she gets her "tackle" that she wanted so badly.. but Ginmice is able to avoid injury. Whew. Slam has seen enough and orders Una Brau to take it to the house...
SCORE !!!
TURN 8 HOTTEST
Well, turn 8 huh.. not a lot that can be done... Try a few two dice blocks on the poor ladies that Slam leaves on the l.o.s. mabye skill up someone with an easy pass... let's see... Some good news: DoorKnocker regains consciousness!
KICKOFF: freakin' fans are cheering so loud Slam's team is awarded another RR...not that he can use it, but it does help to further demoralize the HOTTEST.
Vierwrath can get only a push on May B. Horny.. a rookie DOUBLE-E thrower that Slam sacrificed to the l.o.s. but Dehandar, who also has block is able to put her to the ground... but no harm done to her. WD Ohtear is able to stun Pearl Necklace, but so what it's the end of the half. Jackal decides to switch gears... Giving the 5/6 SPP NoneYa the nod to pick up the ball and make a quick pass before going on to try blocking with the tree that has no Block, unless you include the CHOPPING BLOCK in it's future. But Nuffle has turned his back on the HOTTEST.. and the pitiful, skill-less rookie NoneYa, doinked the pick up. It was only then that Jackal realized he could have used juggernaut and blitz with his tree to keep from being afraid of skulls.... alas, another skull fart from Coach Jackal.
HALF TIME.
No comments:
Post a Comment