Well, this was FI$T FIR$T's first game with their star FA Thower Eomund Alban.  It was with a heavy heart and a lighter wallet that Coach Jackal decided to let their starting thrower, Snake Plisken go but this guy Alban was too good to pass up... plus, Ol' Snake was always complaining about his niggling injury and after the beating he took but survived against that Pink Elephant Pile-On Machine Malaria, well, upper management figured he'd used up all the luck he had.  Plus, FI$T FIR$T would be getting this Alban kid 20K cheaper since he was just coming to them as he was fitting out a new skill.  That offset, at least a little bit, the 30K charge.  Of course, as Nuffle would have it, next week's FA pool had an Ogre with block, which was really more what FI$T FIR$T's upper echelon was hankerin' to get.  Well, with FI$T FIR$T up against the Chaos Dorf team, Molten Fagony (not that there's anything wrong with being Canadian), there shouldn't be too much of a danger of interceptions... Jackal was eager to see whether or not this new thrower was worth the 220K price tag.  

Coach Thul failed the coin toss, and Jackal decided to receive the kick...  ... i'm still not sure if we tied for the FAME, but i sure know we didn't win it.   Jackal thought about the wisdom of Elessar, who oftentimes chooses to kick so as to have the ball in the second half when he may have less players with which to defend. But I decide I have to try to make use of that first chance to attack.  Plus I didn't have a player with yet.  The kick by those stunty little knicker sniffers barely goes out of bounds, and Jackal elects to give the ball to the second string thrower... let him make a quick pass to the FA Alban with AG4 back in the safety of the backfield.  Using Dauntless, Frans Fistacuff downs the Chaos Mino!  Unfortunately, it doesn't even stun the beast. The blitz against the Savage was with the only Tackler on the team, and it was a 1d affair... block block.. the others were just pushes... Hans the Hammer, the team's dirty player tried a two assist foul on the downed Mino, again not even a stun on the brute.

Jackal shuddered with fear as Molten's first move was a blitz by the downed mino on Hans the Hammer stunning the poor, hapless Dirty Player who certainly didn't see that being the first move by the Agony's Coach Thul ...  Yikes, this Thul guy wasn't afraid to unleash the hounds!   Not much else, by the dorfs, but they line up a three assist foul with their DP hobgoblin on our second best blitzer, Duncan Idaho with Block, MB, Guard and Side Step,  stunning him on the enemy side of the pitch. Not good. Another block vs block on a 1d block against the Savage...  so far, no tackle to help tip the scales...

Willy Wrekmore, fearing for his family who, due to some paperwork diffiiculties, is still "volunteering" for the semi-semi-semi pro Orc team the Greenskin Grodies, is really fired up today.  And it shows!  Wrekmore hustles past the skirmish on the LOS, and  and blitzed Molten Agony's freakiing gobo long bombing hurler who is mid field deep in the center of the Agony's side of the field. Welp,... firs tattempt at a GFI for the blitz.. FAIL.. thank Nuffle he was able to pass the RR, and KO! Down goes the Hobogoblin hurler!! That was a bold decision by Jackal because it left the stunned Duncan Idaho surround by four free Agony players. Willy Wiggleworm also charges behind Willy Wrekmore  but staying on the left side of the pitch.and  FI$T FIR$T has got two Willies deep in Agony territory...  Alban, even with Blodge and AG4 decides do stay just outside on any charge by any of the Agony's players.. keeping a sharp eye on the Savage especially....

Jackal, throughout the game, took some mad dancy chances with his ag3 humies..  this time dodging a lino out to assist Frans Fistacuff on another dauntless attempt on the Mino.  Boom goes the dyna.. well, poof goes the firecracker.. Mino down, but again, not even stunned.  No attempt to foul the Mino as FI$T FIR$T's DP was still reeling on his back

Molten's turn starts with the Mino going Wild and remaining prone on his back.  Sadly for FI$T FIR$T, that wasn't a blitz attempt though.  An Agony lino clawed and stunned a FI$T FIR$T lino, but then Thul unleashed his savage..  using break tackle he pulled away from a human blitzer.. .failed a GFI but, having sure feet, he kept upright, 2dblock/blitzing Wrekmore , but he failed to bring down Wrekmore, due to Wrekmore's dodging ability.   But then it happened, the DP hobo with three assists fouled Duncan Idaho.. KO'ing him..  thankfully, having watched some vids of Wrekmore's family "cheerleading," he learned some great screams and was able to call attention to the foul.. and the dirty little hobo was rightfully ejected from the game!

Wrekmore dodges away (stupidly ignoring the fact that the other dorf marking him had tackle.. ahhh, ignorance is bliss until THE BIG FIND OUT COMES DOWN, WILE E. COYOTE STYLE, LIKE AN ANVIL ON A ROADRUNNER CARTOON) from the Savage and downs the Agony lino that was marking Willy Wiggleworm... then returns to mark the Savage, really the only player who can not catch the catcher...  Alban charges down the field, and unleashes a picture perfect spiral which the wide open catcher gathers in like he he's made of sponge (shit, that is the best analogy i could think of) ... now, IT'S JACKAL TIME, BABY...

sure, the catcher could just waltz into the endzone,  it would mean getting a chance to to bring back the KO'd Duncan Idaho... but there's a lot of clock left and the only Agony player that can bring down Wiggleworm is the Savage and he a. is marked by Wrekmore and b. doesn't have tackle.    The humans have more guys that can close on the ball should the Savage actually take down Wiggleworm, so Jackal coins a new phrase: the human punt.. .that's punt, Timdog... keep your mind out of the gutter.  

Jackal was beginning to sweat.. so was poor Willy Wiggleworm who was just denied an easy Touchdown... he was looking over his shoulder at the Raging Savage....  Coach Thul put two dorfs on Wrekmore as he set up for the obvious play: Savage blitz dodge.. two dice, but no (edit: accidentally wrote block, but meant:) Tackle.

here's a Close-Up of Willy Wiggleworm.. hopefully i can figure out how to add it to my team roster

The savage uses his 4ST to break out of the TZ of Wrekmore... and the blitz is on!  Down goes Wiggleworm and he's stunned so he'll be of no use next turn.  Also, many more dorfs have moved back into the "deep end" of their pitch...  Jackal whimpers like a lost Chihuahua in China town... abandoned by his owner...  it's not looking good, but the AG2 savage fails to pick up the ball!  He uses a RR.. fails again...  (he did fail a GFI, but he does have sure feet)....   One of the things Jackal said to Coach Thul was that he hoped he'd at least chew up some of the Agony's RR, and now they're down to one... but the ball seems almost impossible to attain.  

Jackal really screws the pooch in this turn..  First of all, with Wiggleworm not even moving, much less gettin' his wiggle on, he's fixated on breasts.. i mean the ball.. the ball,  and that means he's fixated on Wrekmore who is his only chance to right this tilting ship... he does move a few players down, but he leaves Frans Fistacuff, Captain Dauntless,  laying.. maybe smartly, at the hooves of the Mino....  He sends Wrekmore blitzing to attempt to clear out from the two dorfs marking him... getting Attack Down, Both Down, Jackal RR's  same results.. Attacker Down and Both Down... Stymied, he pushes the Wrekmore "Easy Button"   looks like that button is for Wrekmore's sister... ...  Wrekmore fails the almost impossible dodge, but at least isn't injured in the process. 

Here's Wrekmore, before he's on his back...  not that many pictures of Timdog like this.. most I've seen, he's on his back... in a basement.. on a dirty mattress...  oh well, never mind, here's Wrekmore

COME AT ME, BRO

It's not looking good for FI$T FIR$T:

FI$T FIR$T gets lucky as the dorfs only take down Stilgar a blitzer who had moved to get close to the ball and then the Agony's Hobgoblin, Sandy Sharpspear  (might be sharp, but it sure ain't long), passes a gfi to get to the ball, but then fails the 3+ to pick up the ball, and then fails the RR... The Agony are out of RR's!! 

FI$T FIR$T doesn't do much but gets a lot of fella back on their feet...  Poor Willy Wiggleworm obeys his coach but squeals like a branded goat as he dodges into the corner of the endzone and then sideways next to the butter fingered hobbygobby.  The insult to this turn is when Frans Fistacuff fails a dodge to get away from the Mino... successfully uses a RR to pass the dodge and then shits his pants on a gfi to try to get to assist a block.  THE GFI RANDOMIZER IS A STEAMING PIECE OF POOP.

Perhaps, Nuffle heard Jackal's cries of frustration because he sent this gift... Basalt Blackberry fails a two dice block against the rookie lineman, Billy Badass... double skulls 

and it's FI$T FIR$T's turn again!!   It should be noted that Coach Thul had very little difficulty deciding to use he Apoth on the only Badly Hurt Basalt Blackberry because he rightly identified that we humans were of no threat at all.  So, Bathsalt Dingleberry, instead of being in the Injury Box, was stewing on the sidelines...

Stilgar Fist, the team's namesake, was asked to try his third attempt at a 1d Block on the Savage and this time it was a skull...  FI$T FIR$T's last RR is burned and Stilgar at least gets the push here...  and Jackal screwed the pooch and then took it to dinner.  Wrong choice on the push... misjudged Wrekmore's blitz lane... should have been focusing on taking that Savage OUT...  

Wrekmore can't get to the hobgoblin without trying to dodge through tackle infested TZ's..  does he go for the ball with on TZ or hope the AG4, Sure Hands, Blodging QB can start earning this teams trust?  It's decided to leave the pick up to the FA, Alban... Wrekmore blitzes the Savage, but they both just bang heads...

Wrekmore vs. The Savage

Okay, so the lane is there.. just a simple dodge away from a dorf with tackle, but Alban's got AG4!!  He's out an on his way to a simple pick up!!   only one hobo standing around the ball!!  The crowd, what little human fans there are, surges to their feet in a roar!!!!!

Oh MOTHER NUFFLE NO!!!!!!!!!!   The human fans RAGE IN ANGER AND DISGUST...  Alban has snaked eyed the pick up....  Alban's agent leaves the FI$T FIR$T pressbox... complaining of stomach pains....  "SURE HANDS, MY ASS!!  SURE TO BE LOPPED OFF SO YOU WON'T EVER SELF ABUSE YOURSELF AGAIN.. .one fan is heard to scream

the look on Alban's face is one of utter astonishment.. this is not what he does... he had just 6'd the dodge away from the dorf with Tackle.. even farted a nice one right into his facemask...  and he doinked the pick-up?!?!? DOINKED IT TWICE!!?!?

Here's Alban's face.. check out the hood ornament on his helmet

Things are looking bleak... the dorfs are clearing out any and all FI$T FIR$T tackle zones, and even as Willy Wiggleworm avoids a direct hit by the pinned in Savage, the damnable hobbitgoblin pushes him into the crowd... 

thankfully, it was feed the fat dorf cheermen some warm beer going on and there weren't too many fans nearby to harm Mr. Wiggles...

Not much else happened, just dorfs and Mino banging around humans are parts of the pitch fairly well removed from the epicenter of the shitshow that Jackal had created...  

Jackal missed the chance to take a page from the obviously more wise coach here and do what Thul did:  namely screw the ball and take out your adversaries...  he started out okay.. Wrekmore stunning a lineman.. then Stilgar with yet his FOURTH 1d block on the Savage only manages a push...  but the Savage is in the corner of the endzone... Alban could have surfed the damn Savage, after all he had Block... but the end was frickin NIGH .. and Jackal wanted a score... hell, Alban wanted a score to regain the respect of his teammates.

Looking out, all Alban had to do now was Blitz down the hob-omelet next to the ball, jump in pick it up, and dodge merrily away... saving Jackal from looking like an ass... scratch that... like more of an ass than he already usually looks like....

the hobogobo didn't have block, but it was only a one dice affair...  PUSH..  now the big choice...  push the still standing hobosquatch into the ball and hope he drops it, or push the bugger to the side and attempt to dodge in and just get his mits on the ball.. Alban fails the dodge... the crowd sighs heavily... like a fart from a very dialated rectum of a giant the size of a hot air balloon....

The bleakness turns to Blight as the Dorfs prepare...  Stilgar fist somehow avoids a 2d block that would have sent him surfing, but then the dreaded fear occurs... the Hobogoober picks up the ball... the dorf crowd gets to their feet... at least i think they do, they're quite short so i think they're actually lower in height when they get down off the bleacher seats...   the Mino knocks down another hapless human, but the human armorer has worked some magic during the week .. the FI$T FIR$T's pots and pans are holding together nicely..

enough to make any human armorer face clawy chaos dorfs proud:

OKAY, FANS.. HERE'S WHAT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.... THE HIPGIBLET has the ball, but he's got a weak spot... all it's gonna take if for Willy Wrekmore to dodge out of a dorf's TZ , yea yea yea.. a dorf with tackle... and then blitz the habgablin... knock the ball loose where the super star Ablan can pick it up and and TAKE IT TO THE HOUSE!!!

WREKMORE DOES HIS PART OF THE JOB...

DODGING OUT!!

AND PUNKING HEDGEHOG!!!

THE HEDGEHOG is down and the ball is within reach!!  GO PICK IT UP, GO PICK IT UP YOU SUPER STAR YOU!!

NEWLY ACQUIRED FREE AGENT THROWER, EOMUND ALBAN HAS THE BALL...

 HE'S GONNA HAVE TO REALLY PUSH IT TO MAKE IT TO THE ENDZONE...  HERE'S HIS FIRST ATTEMPT TO STRETCH IT OUT!!

DOWN GOES FRAZIER... he didn't even pass the first GFI...

after that, Jackal couldn't see much through his tears, but Stilgar Fist was crowd surfed, but.. the armorer earned another cheerleader and a deer...  (something he heard about from some Pink Elephant's player) as Stilgar wasn't injured...  Still it was very quiet in the locker room at half time as Jackal's decision to stall had resulted in no score at all...

TO BE CONTINUED

-- 
Jackal is a jackal of all tirades